sigh

i have a lot of things to write about.
but i'm a bit blocked.
i don't know how much i want to say anymore.

it creeps me out that a man, from six thousand miles away, was able to make his way into my life by reading my blog.
he was able to tell me just what i wanted to hear.
he thought he knew me from it, and wanted me to know him.
he said he fell in love with me because of it.
from six thousand miles away.
and i fell for it.

it is almost beyond belief what he did to me, and the other women. it is hard to believe that i could not see through it. i saw the red flags, but ignored them. i know i wasn't the only one tricked by his smooth talk, but i cannot help but be knocked down a bit by this. i cannot help but question my ability to trust, and who i let into my life, by this. and i cannot help but notice all of the red flags of the others around me.

when i tell people about him, their jaw drops to the floor. just like mine did when i heard the whole story.
i am sure he is mentally unstable.
and it scares me that someone that fucked up knows me.

i have started to wonder if putting all of my thoughts out there is really such a great thing. yes, i love to write. it's a huge release, an outlet for me. and i never thought it mattered what other people read on here.
i think i have to reconsider if i still feel comfortable with this. if the benefits are outweighing the risks.

i'll still write.
but maybe it is time to do it just for me again.

it's thursday, so here are 13... or something

thirteen reasons i like being single:

1. all the random hookups i want, with none of the guilt.
2. alone time, oh how i adore thee.
3. more time for layla!
4. doing what i want, whenever i want.
5. no one to have to pay for at dinner.
6. sexual experimenting with none of the drama!
7. no jealousy or insecurities about other women.
8. i get to control the tv. all the time.
9. cereal is a meal.
10. not having to determine if the person you are with is a cheater, a liar, or otherwise a jerk.
11. the bed is alllllll mine!
12. no funky boy smells, pee on the toilet seat, or icky razor stubble hair in my sink.
13. meeting all the new men i want means i'm that much closer to finding 'the one'.

kinda wordless... but not really

hahaha. told you i would find it :)

but i'm gonna make an exception.
cause, well, he asked me out.

ah, yup. perfect.

oh, snap

the shit is hitting the fan, so to speak.

i miss my friend. but i miss the friendship that we used to have, not what it has become lately.

i'm tired of being told what a feckin horrible person i am from her. it's exactly the kind of bs that ex-sg would pull with me. be mad at me for one thing, then turn it into a fight about EVERY SINGLE THING I'VE DONE WRONG over the past year (or four.)

who could live that way?? who would want to?
if she can't forgive me for what happened, i can't control that.
i've said it before and i'll say it again. i'm not perfect. but i'm not apologizing for who I am. i live my life the way i see fit, not the way anyone else does. i'll make mistakes like everyone else because i am human. and i learn from them and go onto the next lesson.

this lesson seems to be pretty clear to me right now:
if a person is not contributing anything positive to your life, maybe they don't need to be in it.
and i'm pretty sure that's how she feels about me, too.

so many good ones this week

from Post Secret:

the best kinda drug!

i've lost a lot of friends over the course of my life.

i think i'm losing one more.

a year later, i may still be looking.

but i know i'm in there, somewhere.

so true. so true. life is good.

thought

when a friend's advice sounds less like advice, and more like a lecture, are they really your friend?

stupid quiz time!

Your result for The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test...

a Cowboy

You scored 6 Honor, 3 Justice, 9 Adventure, and 5 Individuality!

Well pardner, the thing that drives you is a sense of adventure. You're willing to play by the rules, but only so long as you've got open territory to cover and new frontiers to explore. You don't need much and you don't ask much.

Strap on your six gun and wear your Stetson proud. I think you'll do just fine

Take The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test at HelloQuizzy

Your result for The Where in America Do You Belong Test...

West Coast

48% Independent, 14% Traditional, 71% Liberal, 45% Aggressive

Think we should instate a monkey-ocracy? Want to establish a community dedicated to eating only hair? Then you probably belong on the West Coast! The West Coast has a lot in common with the East Coast. It's just a little bit kookier.

Take The Where in America Do You Belong Test at HelloQuizzy

Your result for The Honesty Test...

Average

You know when to tell the truth, And when to keep Your mouth shut. You probably do well in relationships. Of course You probably could tell the the truth a little bit more often.

Take The Honesty Test at HelloQuizzy

Your result for The What type of MAN turns you on Test...

Classic scorcher

You scored 55% masculine, 59% athletic, 18% exotic, and 63% refined!

You have picked my personal favorite type of man. Yes, man, not boy. The all-American and then some. You admire a buff body and manly features but someone who knows how to bathe himself and even though he's a scorcher, you could still bring him home to mom - as long as she keeps her hands off! Someone this hot would be......Victor Webster. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

Take The What type of MAN turns you on Test at HelloQuizzy

(girls, you are welcome for that last one :-))